Is it me? ..

Yesterday when he said I take things too personally. was he correct? . Every little things that takes place around me or If someone says something to me I keep thinking about it .I over analyze things or words people says to me .Why is it so?Am I too sensitive?is it me or they?

When someone criticizes me or gets mad at me I gets worried or over think about it .May be it has nothing to do with me . May be its about them . Every person live in its own world .Every mind has its own perspective about things. Their words reflects their own level of thinking .May be it’s about their own insecurities.

Then why do I get stressed when someone gets rude to me. I can’t control their own behaviour .All i can do is not get under their influence . I know Its hard to control your thoughts as I am too sensitive about things . I think more deeply as compare to others around me. My friends told me I cry a lot. Is this a sign of being over sensitive?

I hope being sensitive isn’t a type of bad personality. I hope people don’t judge me for being too emotional. My emotions are my strength. My vulnerability helps me to learn about me. I attract to more toxic people may be because I am a giver and they say “Givers attracted to Suckers”

My Dumb Sentiments ..

Have you felt like you are too stupid to give yourself so easily? I am feeling this right now . I am feeling used Like someone came to me for all his needs and now when I look for him I can’t find him . Where is he now ? I can’t see him anywhere. What do I do about it .What do I do with these emotions . I am not able to love myself .I am angry at me .Why do I carry these emotions ? I feel so much and I feel so deeply .

I thought this time it would be different . I thought he is someone else . He knows me .He won’t hurt me . All those things were just a fucking Lie . He betrayed me . I never realized he was looking for better option . May be I was not enough for him .This is making me crazy .I can’t stop my tears .Was I not good enough ? or He was just another toxic human ?I keep attracting to these less sensitive people . People with no emotions .

How do I escape from this sadness . I knew he won’t stay for too long .I thought It would be easy for me to let him go .I forgot I am someone who invest emotions . I get attached .Some people thinks I live on a fairy land and there is no such thing as emotions . Am I all alone on this fairy land ? I hope I find someone like me on this land . Someone who would understand me and my dumb sentiments .

Real me !

Stay Away from me I am going to break your heart ! He said to me . When would he realize that You can’t break something which is already broken . Yes My Heart is already into pieces , Thanks to that one person I invested so much of me . You can’t hurt me when I am already hurt .I am not scared to get break down .I am strong enough to hold broken me .

I can’t complain about it for my entire life but I can’t even forget it as I can still feel the pain . Every thought of him gives me pain and I am ready to suffer it .Sometimes I gets mad at God. Why would he do this to me ? Although I still believe I am his favorite child . I believe he wants me to learn . But doesn’t he know me ?He is the creator.

Sometimes I act indifferent but that does not change what I keep inside me .I am caring . I am sensitive . I invest emotions .How do I hide the actual me and till when ? I look for someone just like me or even if there is no one I look for happy me . I know Even if I tell you that I don’t care about you that would be a lie . Do you want me to lie ? Even if I lies How do I act ?How do I behave When I see you going away from me .My love for you is so true that I can’t act what I don’t feel .

I can’t keep myself sad for someone who does not care about my efforts .May be he never realize my worth . I can’t control his perception about me .I might meet someone better than him or it could be worst . I hate these people who tells me to “Accept yourself ” and then they ask me to stop caring . Tell me , should I stop being me ? isn’t this against “Accepting yourself”

Death..

Have you ever wondered about death? Don’t you believe one day you might not be there ? Then why do you suffer when you know Death is inevitable . This is constant . Everything that comes has to leave one day , My dear .What do you worry about when you know these things that keeps you stressed won’t be there forever . What do you fear about ?

I know you would find this Negative but This is something that should motivates you to live your life at fullest . I have seen people chasing things in this hope that this would bring them happiness . But that’s not true, any materialistic thing can never bring happiness . No matter what we achieved our brain would give us something new to stress about and we humans can’t control our nature . Suppose I bought a new car , I would be happy then after few days I would be bored of that car and I would think of something else . There is no end to our wishes .Even if you get what you wish for Your heart starts craving for something else .

There is a Song By God which Says :

Death is as sure for that which is born, as birth is for that which is dead. Therefore grieve not for what is inevitable.” “One who sees inaction in action, and action in inaction, is intelligent among men.”

Bhagavad Gita

Energy..

Desperate Energy attract Needy energy to suck your energy .Don’t get attract to people who would come to take away you positive energy.

There are 5 Kind of people you would save yourself from:

Nosy people : People who don’t mind their own business . People who wants to have access to you life . They don’t want you be happy . Don’t invest in suck kind of people .

Toxic People : People who manipulates you to make you feel low . They need you to give them your attention so they could feel their importance . These people would take away your self confidence .

Needy People – These people believes you tend to their needs more than your own ..They want you to be available for them all the time . They take you for granted . They don’t take NO as an answer .

Negative People :People who keep complaining about life . They don’t want to help themself and they would give you negative energy . Don’t try to help them . They have more problems then solutions.

Fake People : They try to maintain their nice reputation among people when they are just full of bullshit in real . Don’t be afraid to tell on their face that how fake they are .

If you want to feel peace and calm you must avoid these type of people . They are everywhere . They could be one of your friend . When you start loving yourself you would realize how much shit your are surrounded with .For your own self-worth get rid of these people who just wants to suck out of your life .

Abandonment …

Do you feel guilty whenever you say NO for some favor? You feel that you should have helped them. You completely have to help them whenever they need you. But why? Do you owe them anything? It is not wrong to help someone but that does not mean you would empty yourself for someone’s happiness. You don’t owe them anything.

People with a fear of abandonment have these thoughts. They feel like they would lose their friend if they don’t help them. They don’t want to be alone. They are scared of being left alone. They feel they are not enough without their friends . I relate to all those people as I feel I am not complete when I am alone . Is it because I am like my own company .

My friend told me “Someone who is taking you for granted would leave you anyway and someone who is your real friend would be there for you no matter what”. They are your real friends and They have always got my back. There are different kinds of people you would meet and they all behave according to the surrounding they have been raised . Your attitude towards people depends on what you have experienced with the people you love. Some hurt others just because they were betrayed by someone they loved. Some people believe in a second chance.

I don’t think just because one person came out to be an dick , the Next person I would meet will be the same. I know I trust easily But I think this is something only a strong person could do. I think Someone who hurt me made me a better version of me for the next one. People who are scared of abandonment can’t give another chance . They become more harsh on themselves and as well on others .May they don’t love themself enough to accept that they deserve love . Is it too hard for them to let go of their past ?

one more ..

Every time I close my eyes I see your face and I try to feel your presence. Even though I have not seen you for the last six months or more than that I still remember every moment we spent. I still remember every kiss we had. I remember That night when we both were leaving for our homes and I did not know I would not meet you for the next 6 months.

I wish I would have held you longer. I wish I could kiss you one more time. I love it when I see you looking at me. I wish I could catch your eyes looking at me one more time. I know you are feeling the same. This year has changed so much.

But there are no more ‘One more’. I don’t even know if I would meet you again or not. How mysterious is life? You can’t predict what is coming next. You don’t know what the future holds for you. Nothing is constant. This is so scary but I believe the universe is full of blessings . God has got a better plan for us. The plan we can’t even think of as he knows us much better than we do . Sometimes what we wish for is not what actually we required .

Tutor..

I had a dream about you . You were sitting in front of me and I was staring at you like I always do . We were taunting each other as usual for our flaws and our mistakes . We do that a lot to make each other feel low . It’s been a while I have not talked to you may be that’s what my subconscious mind was telling me . It is not about my dream It is about my mind which keeps thinking about you . How weird is this that even I am not talking to you , you gets my full attention . Why do you have so much impact on me ? How do you manage to control me so much ?

My heart wish to keep you close to me but my brain says “I am done”. I am so confused between these two But I would prefer to listen to my intuition and they say you don’t deserve me . You are so toxic to me and my mental heath . Is it because of my love for you ? Or is it my hatred towards you ? Even after so much pain , I have feelings for you . I don’t want that anymore . I want you to go away from my life . I don’t want you in my heart or my brain. But It seems impossible to stop feeling for you .

I have so much to write today and It is because of just one dream I had . I woke up and First thing I did was writing my feelings out as I don’t to get myself eaten by these feelings I have. I don’t want to give my time to you as I have already wasted so much .

I still remember Your words , You said ” I am a Lesson for you ” .You were so correct . You always knew how bad you are for me .I take you as my tutor who taught me big life lesson . Why is it so hard for me to forgive you ? I know I have got really big heart and I forgive people so easily . I give them another chance but you have been treated so different from others .can you forgive me for my mistakes ? My love for you was so deep that I can’t forget anything you did to me . You broke me so well . But with this pain of being broken you made me stronger and wiser . You taught me to not sell yourself so easily . You took me to this path of self love . May be that’s why universe led me to you .

Even when I am not there yet I want other human to realize that

You are worthy

you are valuable

and

you deserve love ..❤️

Urge to Compare..

“ Comparison is an act of violence against the self.” Iyanla Vanzant.

Why Do I have such messy hair ? I wish My hair were as straight as hers . Everytime I see someone with good long hairs .I Start comparing my short curly and wavy hairs to them . Even When many people have told me that my hairs are really nice But I doubt . It is not just about hairs . It is about my sense of comparing my lifestyle with others . Everyone does that but why ? Why do we have to compare ourselves to others when we all are different souls with different mindset and different body.

Now a days It is easy to reach and check out other’s life , thanks to Social Media . We can see every thing What they are up to , how do they look like , How do they spend their holidays and then we end up comparing our life, our body , our belongings to them . We don’t realize that most of the things on social media are just for show off . People display to make you jealous , to make you compare your life to them. Never forget that Snapshot of a minute does not display someone’s whole life.

We all are unique people with different experiences . And I believe our perception about things depends on our life experiences . So then Why do we have to compare when even our traumas are different?

Only person you should compare yourself is to be with your past . Whenever you are comparing yourself with someone else you are doubting your own worth . Are you not good enough ? you have your own unique journey .Your life has different goals than their life then why do you feel so insecure . why do we have this urge to compare our life to others ? can we control it ? Can we control this urge?

Yes we can . We can stop comparing our life to others once we realize our own value . It takes your joy away . You must learn to celebrate yourself . You have different qualities than them . Remind yourself how worthy you are .

As a humans , It is our nature to compare ourselves to others but nothing ever comes out of . it .You are just wasting your time . So let’s be happy about what you have got .

How meditation helps me..

“Meditation is not spacing-out or running away. .

When It comes to Self Realization meditation is the best thing One can practice .Meditation has this super power to make you feel at the moment. Most of the time we are worrying or stressing about out future or we look at our past and regret it but can we change it? Can we control our future . We don’t know what Life hold for you but still we over think about little things that are not even in our control .

Have you ever been at a state where you feel like you want go away from everything . You just wants to fly away from your present worries .Well I wish I was a bird . But I am not a bird . I am a human . So what do I do ? How do I find Peace . How do I stop Over thinking ? How do I nurture my body and my mind? I keep looking for an answer and then I tried Meditation and believe me It really helps .

Meditation is just simply sitting and breathing mindfully . It’s does not require any resources but just your body . You feel the moment when you learn to control your breath . Breathing is the most important act to practice meditation . Along with the breathing it is important to control your thoughts. You cannot stop thinking but don’t get indulge in your thoughts. Let them be on surface, don’t hold them. Meditation helps to know yourself . You learn what you actually want from your life . People who are too indecisive and are full of confusion learn about them . Meditation helps to control your thoughts . It brings positivity around you when you keep your mind clear .

It is not easy especially for people who can’t stop over thinking . But If you really want to feel peace you must practice it . It is daily process in this journey of Self Love.