Sometimes No matter what you achieve ,You feel like you are missing something . You Try to get everything you want but still you feel incomplete . Right ?

Since childhood I have been feeling this emotion .I feel like I am not at my home . I feel This is not where I belong . This place is not mine . I don’t feel connected to anything .So I decide to move to different place .But I could not get rid of this emotion . I could not feel complete anywhere, with anyone . During school I never had any friends so I felt it’s because I lack People in my life but when I went away from my home I got lot of friends . But even “Friends” could not replace that feeling . I don’t understand why do I feel so incomplete . What do I want exactly ? Where do I want to go ? Where is my home ? I wonder If it’s a place or a Human or a Thing .What is it exactly ?

When I went away from my home or I should say my House I fall in Love . I thought That might make me feel whole .But Even Love could not complete me .I have been feeling homeless since childhood . It feels like there is a void inside me and no one could see that incompleteness.

Now , this emotion has become like a home to me .I am not even scared of it anymore . I try to carry it with patience . I feel like this emotion is where I belong . I don’t even pray to get rid of it .I pray to get more stronger so I could welcome this Emotion with No Tears …..

4 thoughts on “Homeless

  1. Probably your emptiness is not even yours, but what you feel around you.
    A lot of people have some kind of emptiness they try to fill with something because there is no love for them or in them. When you mean “Love”, do you mean a feeling inside you or something specific (can be difficult to tell, I know)? For me it was that I was able to get along with others, but a lot of things broke me, so I hated the love I had inside me. When I walk around or are with other people, I also often feel this void or as if something is sucking up my energy, like a black hole. Should you really have love, then it might be that you are usually surrounded by people who don’t (really) have it and just fake a lot of things. I also did that at some point, when I gave up on myself, which only made everything more painful for me now. Being surrounded by nature helped me in a lot of ways. I would say that neither a Human nor a Thing is your home because you should always be your home. Like, where you (want to) go, there is home. For me it is, that I see a difference between having friends and having actual friends or maybe soul mates (as some say). But no matter where you might be and go, it shouldn’t be that you should be alone.
    Because this emptiness or void is also a sign of feeling alone or just being “needed” (for something) instead of actually wanted or loved. So you might feel as if you were completely alone, while being surrounded by people or even friends because they might not understand or feel you or even notice you or want to really get to know you. Sometimes my cat gives me her warm cat noises and plays with me, so she and I don’t feel alone. Sometimes I get my mother to walk with me a little outside and remember things and also talk about what bothers us. Then I feel love and wholesome and even a little bit home. But because a lot of things went wrong where I live(d) and also a lot of painful experiences, make it not an actual home. So I just hold my hand onto my heart / chest sometimes and dream, then I feel home sometimes. Usually it is about meeting others, like you for example, or just being free, not bound to the place I was born as it seemed all these years now…
    Should anything I wrote be confusing or something, then it is okay.
    I hope it maybe could give you a little something and if not, at least you know that you matter to me. I am far away and maybe we won’t actually meet one day, but you are not alone in this.
    And one thing, before I forget, don’t stop the tears. When I couldn’t cry / weep, I wished for it many times and was glad each time it happened. I don’t want that you have to cry all the time, but (at least for me) it often helped me to just let all the tears out without trying to hold them back. But I don’t know everything and I don’t want to tell you what to do or not to do.
    That is of course always up to you, like I also had to find things for me which worked (e.g. spending time without technology in nature). 💕

    Liked by 1 person

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