Abandonment …

Do you feel guilty whenever you say NO for some favor? You feel that you should have helped them. You completely have to help them whenever they need you. But why? Do you owe them anything? It is not wrong to help someone but that does not mean you would empty yourself for someone’s happiness. You don’t owe them anything.

People with a fear of abandonment have these thoughts. They feel like they would lose their friend if they don’t help them. They don’t want to be alone. They are scared of being left alone. They feel they are not enough without their friends . I relate to all those people as I feel I am not complete when I am alone . Is it because I am like my own company .

My friend told me “Someone who is taking you for granted would leave you anyway and someone who is your real friend would be there for you no matter what”. They are your real friends and They have always got my back. There are different kinds of people you would meet and they all behave according to the surrounding they have been raised . Your attitude towards people depends on what you have experienced with the people you love. Some hurt others just because they were betrayed by someone they loved. Some people believe in a second chance.

I don’t think just because one person came out to be an dick , the Next person I would meet will be the same. I know I trust easily But I think this is something only a strong person could do. I think Someone who hurt me made me a better version of me for the next one. People who are scared of abandonment can’t give another chance . They become more harsh on themselves and as well on others .May they don’t love themself enough to accept that they deserve love . Is it too hard for them to let go of their past ?

Tutor..

I had a dream about you . You were sitting in front of me and I was staring at you like I always do . We were taunting each other as usual for our flaws and our mistakes . We do that a lot to make each other feel low . It’s been a while I have not talked to you may be that’s what my subconscious mind was telling me . It is not about my dream It is about my mind which keeps thinking about you . How weird is this that even I am not talking to you , you gets my full attention . Why do you have so much impact on me ? How do you manage to control me so much ?

My heart wish to keep you close to me but my brain says “I am done”. I am so confused between these two But I would prefer to listen to my intuition and they say you don’t deserve me . You are so toxic to me and my mental heath . Is it because of my love for you ? Or is it my hatred towards you ? Even after so much pain , I have feelings for you . I don’t want that anymore . I want you to go away from my life . I don’t want you in my heart or my brain. But It seems impossible to stop feeling for you .

I have so much to write today and It is because of just one dream I had . I woke up and First thing I did was writing my feelings out as I don’t to get myself eaten by these feelings I have. I don’t want to give my time to you as I have already wasted so much .

I still remember Your words , You said ” I am a Lesson for you ” .You were so correct . You always knew how bad you are for me .I take you as my tutor who taught me big life lesson . Why is it so hard for me to forgive you ? I know I have got really big heart and I forgive people so easily . I give them another chance but you have been treated so different from others .can you forgive me for my mistakes ? My love for you was so deep that I can’t forget anything you did to me . You broke me so well . But with this pain of being broken you made me stronger and wiser . You taught me to not sell yourself so easily . You took me to this path of self love . May be that’s why universe led me to you .

Even when I am not there yet I want other human to realize that

You are worthy

you are valuable

and

you deserve love ..❤️